Sunbeams gently shine through the white lace curtain from the glass door in the bedroom. With your head sticking out to see the morning sidewalks, I see your tan small body and fluffy curly tail. It must be around 6 o’clock. I barely fell back to sleep after my racing thoughts woke me up in this surreal time of turmoil. Last time when I looked at the clock, it was 5:17am. “The sun has already come out,” I think to myself. I slowly get up.

I look again. Your calm presence soothes my soul. “Is it you, Bach?” I ask. “It can’t be, can it? Didn’t you…die?” You slowly turn your head around. The look from your eyes, gentle and firm. “It’s me,” you answer. You smile. “It is really you!” I exclaim with joy. “I came to see you,” you continue.

Now you slowly walk to the bedside. Your paws step on the grey tile floor, making familiar tapping sounds. I bend down to rub the white fur on your cheeks with both hands like I used to. You grin with joy. Your face, like a flower, blossoms between my fingers.

You look into my eyes. “I came to tell you that everything’s going be alright,” you say gently. “You do you. And you’re amazing.”

Then, I opened my eyes. You left. And you stayed.

Bach 5/2/2008-11/29/2019
Forever love

#grief #loss #pet #dog #dogs #lossofapet #petloss #rainbowbridge #dream #furbaby #dogmom

Published by pandamotherly

I am Dr. Esther HioTong Castillo. I am Panda Mom. I'm a biracial sociologist mama with a 4 year-old daughter. Four years ago, my complicated birth and the sea-change in my career and family had thrown me into the downward spiral of depression and anxiety. Now, I'm sharing my story and writing my way to health and wellness at the intersection of trauma, intergenerational trauma, family, and parenting.

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